Lush Window

That night I woke up several times, I guess due to the fact Beth was sleeping so close to me. I had not shared a bed with anyone since Susan’s death. Around four thirty in the morning I was awakened again. I raised up on one elbow and looked at Beth sleeping. She was absolutely angelic, a very content look on her face. I watched her for what must have been about an hour, until finally I got up and went into the kitchen. I decided to cook her breakfast and surprise her. Halfway through the preparation, she came in rubbing her eyes.

“Something smells good.” , she said with a smile.

“I was fixing you breakfast in bed.”, I replied.

“Oh how sweet, but since I am up, I will join you here.”

We ate breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen and got dressed. Even though it was Saturday, Beth had to go to her office for a few hours. I had errands to run as well. We agreed to meet up later in the day.

The day passed quickly and around four in the afternoon Beth called me. She told me she had gotten home, cleaned up and was wondering if she could come over. About thirty minutes later Beth arrived at my house. We sat on the sofa holding hands, kissing every once in a while. We finally got around to the conversation we knew we had to have.

“How and when do we break this to everyone.”, I asked her.

“Oh God, I have no idea Jeff.”, she replied, “But I do think we should wait a while.”

We agreed to keep the relationship under our hat for a while and let her divorce become final. Then when she had no ties, we would tell the family.

Over the next several months, Beth and I spent as much time together as we could, considering the circumstances. We were very careful when we were together, to keep it very innocent looking. In fact we went out together to restaurants several times, even the movies a few times. When we did see anyone, which was rare, we just passed it off as two single people not wanting to go out alone.

About a month before Beth’s divorce would become final, she got a call from Lance. He told her he wanted to talk to her. She agreed to meet him for dinner at a local restaurant. She told me she would call me as soon as she got back to her home. The dinner was supposed to be at six, but by ten she still had not called. I was getting worried that something might be wrong. Just about that time, the doorbell rang.

I opened the door and Beth stepped in. I took her coat and hung it in the foyer closet. As soon as I turned to her, I knew something was wrong. I followed her into the great room and sat down.

“I don’t know where to start.”, she said softly.

“It’s ok Beth, take your time.”, I responded.

She went on to tell me that she had met Lance about six for dinner. She said the conversation began innocent enough, just catching up on what was going on with each other. She told me Lance seemed different. He was not his normal arrogant self, instead he seemed passive and very attentive to her. Then she told me he came up with a shocker. He told her that he had made a huge mistake and wanted to know if she would consider taking him back. He admitted to her all the past mistakes he had make, but told her this time apart from her made him realize what he had lost. He begged her to, if nothing else, just start slow and date him again so he could prove to her that he had changed. She told me he actually cried several times during the dinner.

“Well honestly Beth.”, I started, “I can understand how he feels. I would feel the same if I had lost you.”

She blushed slightly and looked down at the floor. She was wringing her hands and acting very anxious. She seemed to be having a hard time finding words to say. I decided to take it a step further.

“I know you and Lance have been together a long time.”, I continued, “And even though, I don’t have to tell you how I feel about you, if you have second thoughts and want to try to reconcile with Lance, I will understand.”

“I knew you would say that Jeff.”, she replied, “I just knew you would. For once in my life, I know I am with a man who thinks of me first.”

“And I know that I love you, that you would never hurt me. But I have to admit, I can’t explain the feelings I have right now. I am not sure if I feel sorry for Lance or he truly touched my heart.”, she said.

“I know this is not fair to you at all and its confusing as hell to me as well.”, she ended.

I didn’t know what to say or if to say anything at all. I was getting used to having Beth by my side, but I really could understand how she felt. Even though I resented Lance more now then I probably ever had since I had known him, I understood. When your married as long as they had been, sometimes you take each other for granted. And having shared the last few months with Beth, both emotionally and sexually, I can understand why he wanted her back.

“Look Beth, maybe the best thing to do right now is to not see each other for a while, so you can sort out exactly how you feel. I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want.”, I told her.

We talked in circles for a while but somewhere in the conversation it became apparent to me she had doubts about us. Maybe not serious doubts, but she needed to be one hundred percent sure. We agreed to just see how things went. I told her, I was not going anywhere, I would be here when she decided and I would support her either way. She hugged me and kissed me.

For the next month, I lived on pins and needles. We talked very little, although I never did see Lance’s car by Beth’s house. That was some consolation anyway, it would have killed me to see him spend the night with her. The holidays were fast approaching again and I had really hoped Beth would be in my life this year. I so wanted to share them with her. In addition, Beth’s birthday was December the 15th. I really wanted to do something special for her.

Beth and I would talk every few days, we rarely saw each other. We seemed to talk about everything but what I really wanted to talk about. But I had decided not to pressure her and no matter how much this hurt, I was going to do just that.

I was invited to my in laws for Thanksgiving Day Dinner, which I gladly accepted. My mother in law was an amazing cook and she always out did herself for the holidays. She also told me that there would be several other guests coming as well.

I got up early on Thanksgiving morning, cleaned house and washed some laundry. I left for my in laws about eleven o’clock that morning. I arrived to the wonderful aroma from the kitchen. She had a Turkey, Gumbo, Stuffed Bell Peppers, Crab Cakes, Oyster Dressing, Baked Macaroni, and lots of side dishes. I was the first to arrive but shortly there after other guests arrived.

My mother in law’s childhood friend Miss Margie, her husband and daughter arrived together. Apparently they were friends back to elementary school and had remained close. I vaguely recalled meeting her at my wedding many years before. I was introduced to her daughter Jennifer, whom I am guessing was in her mid to late thirties. She was an extremely attractive brunette with an incredible figure.

Everyone chatted in the living room while waiting for dinner to be served. I noticed that the conversation kept coming back to Jennifer and I both being single. Apparently Jennifer had been married once for a few years but it did not work out. She had been single for about ten years, she was an attorney. I sensed that perhaps my mother in law and her friend were trying to set us up together.

When we were seated at the table, Jennifer was given the seat next to me. Not a coincidence I thought to myself. As we ate , someone asked my mother in law where Beth was. She replied that her and Lance would be joining us a bit later. I was not at all happy to hear that and figured to eat quickly and take my exit as soon as I could. Last thing I wanted to do was see them together. I still had no idea what was going on with them. I was somewhat relieved when my mother in law added that Lance was trying to reconcile but Beth was being very reluctant about it.

About thirty minutes later Lance and Beth arrived together. As they said their hello’s, I noticed Beth eyeing up Jennifer sitting next to me. They took their plates and sat down to eat. The conversation picked up where it left off and our meal moved along. Finally my mother in law dropped the bomb.

“Jeff, I was telling Jennifer that you rarely get out and do anything. She basically said she was in the same boat. That her work kept her too busy for a social life. Maybe you two could get together and have a good time every once in a while.”, she said.

I looked up and saw that Beth had that deer in the headlights look. I had to try and be polite, though I really did not want to start any relationship with anyone other than Beth at this point.

“ I dunno Mom, I’m not much on going out, I don’t know how Jennifer feels.”, I replied, hoping she would let me off the hook.

“Oh, I would love to go out sometime with you Jeff. I will give you my business card later, maybe you could call me.”, she quickly replied.

What could I do ? I just smiled and said that would be nice. I continued to eat but could feel Beth’s gaze on me. Every time I looked up she was looking at me. After we had desert, we moved back to the living room and talked. I was feeling very awkward, so I decided to make my escape. I told everyone that I had an early job in the morning and thanked them for the dinner. As I got up to leave, Jennifer reached for her purse and pulled out a business card . I thanked her and told her I would be in touch. There was not much else I could say in front of everyone else. I said goodbye and left.

On Saturday morning, Beth called me from her office. It was a strained conversation to say the least. I wanted to ask her about Lance, I am sure she was interested if I had called Jennifer, but neither of us brought it up. Beth told me she wanted to talk soon in person. I told her that would be fine, just let me know.

Another week started and I had still not heard from Beth and I was beginning to think that maybe she had reconsidered taking Lance back. Although, I had still not seen Lance over at Beth’s house. The only time I had seen them together was Thanksgiving day. I really wanted to call her and make my pitch for us being together but could never really bring myself to do it.

That Tuesday at work, I received a call from Jennifer. She told me that my mother in law had given her the number. She apologized for being forward but something had come up. Apparently she was an assistant district attorney and had been invited to a banquet for several Judges. It was the type of thing you do not go to alone and since she knew no one else, she wondered if I could go. I really had absolutely no desire to go, but she continued to plead her case. I finally agreed to go and she told me she would email me the specific’s.

Apparently word travels very fast because shortly after I returned home from work that evening, I had a message from my mother in law to call her. When I did, she told me that she heard I had a date this Saturday night. I told her yes that I was going to the Banquet with Jennifer, but really did not want to. She begged me to be open minded and try to have a good time. She told me Jennifer was really interested and she thought we would make an excellent couple. I thought to myself, “Oh Mom, if you only knew.”, you wouldn’t be saying that. She asked me to call her Sunday morning after the date and let her know how it went. I agreed and hung up.

I had just returned home, Friday night, when Beth called. She asked me how everything was going with me. I told her things were fine, but that I missed her. She told me that she missed me too. She added that she had just spoken to her mother and she had told her about my date. I told Beth what had happened and how I came to agree to go.

“Are you interested in Jennifer.”, Beth asked me.

“No, I am not Beth.”, I replied, “But honestly you kind of left me out to dry here.”

“I know Jeff, I am so sorry. I am just very confused.”, she responded, “Just please don’t make any quick decisions about me.”

“I won’t Beth.”, I reassured her.

The next morning I got up and had a ton of things to do. I went and cleaned out my car, had it detailed. I got a haircut and went to the cleaners and picked up my suit. I returned home, did a few things around the house and started to get ready for the evening.

I picked up Jennifer at her condo about seven in the evening. She came out in a black, short skirt that was sleeveless. She had a black shawl that matched and her hair had been curled. She was a knock out. I found it very hard to believe that this woman was alone on Saturday nights. I went to the car opened the door and she stepped in. As she did, her skirt rose up her legs slightly, giving me a glimpse of her thigh’s.

The Banquet was very nice, the food was excellent. Jennifer introduced me to a lot of people. Some of them I recall having seen their names or pictures in the local newspaper or on the TV News. We decided to leave around nine, Jennifer then suggested we stop for a cup of coffee. I agreed since we had gotten along really well that night and I had enjoyed the conversation. We stopped at a local late night café and had a few cups of coffee. Jennifer told me about her brief marriage and how she had worked to put herself through law school afterwards. She was a remarkable lady, who had accomplished a lot on her own. She asked me about Susan and I briefly told her our history.

We arrived back at her house about eleven that night. She asked me if I wanted come up to her condo for another cup of coffee. I thanked her but told her it had been a long day and I was ready to turn in. I thanked her for evening and told her that I had a very good time. She told me she had enjoyed it as well and asked if I thought I might like to go out again sometimes. I told her that sounded fine. She leaned over and gave me a very short, but very pleasant kiss goodnight.

I had barely gotten out of bed the next morning, when my mother in law called. She told me she had already heard the night was a huge success and that we were planning to go out again. Apparently Jennifer had called her mom already and word spread from there. I replied to my mother in law that we might go out again, I was not sure.

With Beth’s birthday right around the corner, I waned to try and do something nice for her. I had given a lot of thought as to what to get her. I wanted to get her something nice, but I couldn’t be too obvious about my feelings for her in front of everyone. I walked around the mall for hours not sure of exactly what to get. Finally I stopped at one of the jeweler’s and explained my predicament to the sales lady. She suggested I buy a nice watch. It’s a great gift, but not too personal. I agreed and she helped me pick out a really nice gold ladies watch.

I got home that evening and saw several messages on my recorder. One was from my mother in law, one from a friend and one from Jennifer. One by one, I returned them all saving Jennifer for last. I was thinking of what I could say if she asked me out again ? This was perhaps the most ironic situation I had ever been in. A year ago, I was alone, disinterested in women completely. Now, I was struggling to understand a situation in which two women had suddenly appeared in my life.

I finally decided to call Beth and ask her out for her birthday. I decided to call during the week when she was at work. After several tries, she returned my call.

“I know your birthday is Saturday, but how about going to dinner with me on Friday night ?”, I asked her.

“I can’t.”, she told me, “I have to go to Lance’s parents Friday night. They are having a party for me.”

Apparently a lot of people other then Lance were trying to patch up her marriage. I did not want to appear to be an idiot, but I was growing weary of waiting.

“Beth, I think you need to let me know what’s on your mind.”, I told her, “Are you seriously considering taking Lance back ?”

“I really don’t know.”, she answered, “He has been so kind and considerate these past weeks, like he is a different man. I sometimes think its just an act to get back in good with me, but yet other times, I am sure he is sincere.”

“Beth, I can’t help you with this. I am biased. I love you, I want you. But I need you to be sure. If we are together, its going to cause quite a stir. No sense in going through that unless you are sure.”, I replied.

“I know Jeff, most of me wants to be with you. There’s just a small part left clinging to my former life.”, she answered.

I decided not to push the issue any further, wishing her a Happy Birthday. I asked her to leave her car open and that I would slip her present inside for her. She thanked me and we hung up. Two more weeks passed and I had not heard a thing from Beth. Jennifer had called me and invited me to her Christmas Party at work. I had told her, I would get back to her, then realized by now she had little time to make any other plans. As much as I was hoping I would be with Beth for the holidays this year, it appeared that once again, I would be alone.

It was December the 20th when Jennifer called me at work. She asked me again about the party and I told her I would accompany her for the evening. She thanked me and we made arrangements for later in the week. I left the office and drove home. As I have said previous, I have to pass right in front of Beth’s home to get to mine. There was a vehicle ahead of me as I approached Beth’s, so I was traveling relatively slowly. As I got almost in front of Beth’s, I looked to the front of her house and my heart sank. She had her arms wrapped around Lance and they were kissing on the front porch. I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach, the breathe knocked out of me. I guess I must have slowed down too much, because they stopped and looked in my direction. I didn’t know what to do, so I meekly waved and continued home.

Chapter Ten

I laid on the sofa that night so frustrated at myself for letting things get this chaotic. How could I allow myself to fall in love with Beth ?
I couldn’t get the sight of her and Lance out of my head. I wanted to go over there and drag him out of the house and beat the crap out of him. But , from where I was sitting it certainly appeared Beth was co-operating fully. Suddenly I knew I was going to be sick. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, barely getting there in time.

I was restless all that night and awoke early the next morning. As I opened my eyes, my mind immediately went to work. Did Lance spend the night ? I think what really bothered me the most, was that Beth had not even tried to contact me and try to explain. I got dressed and left for work.

Christmas was Saturday, we were off on Friday , which was Christmas Eve. Jennifer’s office party was Thursday night at one of the five star restaurants in the French Quarter. I left work early that Thursday to make sure I was ready on time. I pulled into my drive about an hour later and opened the box to get my mail. I went inside through the mail on the table and went to get cleaned up. After taking a shower and getting dressed, I noticed I was about an hour early. I turned on the TV and grabbed the mail. As I was sorting through it I came upon a letter hand addressed. I opened the letter and pulled out a small piece of folded paper. On it was printed :

[ I know this is not fair to you. I can’t imagine what you are going to think of me after you read this. I wanted to tell you in person, but I can’t bear to look you in eyes and see the hurt I am causing you. You have been through so much already. Know that I do love you but I have to try and make this work. ]

No name, no signature, nothing but those words. As I stared at the letter, I was numb. This was it ? After all we went through I was going to get a generic Dear John letter. However, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. No names. That way if I did decide to try and get even, nothing on the letter really proved it was from Beth. In fact did she even write it ?

I went over to the drawer where Susan had kept sentimental things she had gotten through the years. One of her most prized possessions was a letter that Beth had written Susan about a month before Susan died. It was a touching letter that thanked Susan for being the best big sister a girl could ever have. I opened it and compared the writing. As I thought, Beth had not wrote the note personally, I am guessing so she could deny it in case it ever came up. I guess she had one of the girls in her office write it for her. I took both letters and put them in the same drawer.

I arrived at Jennifer’s condo about seven that evening. The last thing I felt like doing that evening was being around a lot of people drinking and having a good time. I would have much preferred to stay home and feel sorry for myself. I walked up to the entrance and pressed the buzzer for 4D. A few seconds later the buzzer sounded.

“Jeff, can you come up for a second, I am not quite ready.”

The buzzer sounded again and I pushed open the door. I took the elevator to the fourth floor, got out and found my way to 4D. The door was slightly ajar, so I knocked briefly, stuck my head in and announced I was here.

“Come in and sit down, I will be right there.”, Jennifer called out.

I walked in and closed the door. I looked around and noticed how well the home was decorated. Everything in it’s place, very expensive furnishings. The kitchen was open to the main living room and it was spotless. I moved over to a large beige leather sofa and sat down. About five minutes later, the bedroom door opened and Jennifer walked in.

She was wearing a long red dress, floor length. She had on black heels and her hair was pulled up off her neck and shoulders. She was absolutely stunning. The gown clung to her body like a second skin, showing off all of her natural assets. She scurried around the condo grabbing things and putting them in her purse. We quickly exited and made our way back to my car.

The party was pretty much as I figured it would be. People drinking too much, giving them an excuse to behave differently than they could under normal circumstances. All I could think about was Beth and the letter I had just gotten. Apparently, I must have seemed pretty down, because a young lady, maybe mid twenties, came over to where I was standing and said hello. She introduced herself as Katie, she was one of Jennifer’s secretaries. She proceeded to fill me in on who was who in the rooms. Jennifer was against the opposite wall talked to two other attorney’s. Katie, then started to ask me questions. Routine at first, but then getting a bit more inquisitive.

“Have you ever been married before.”, she asked.

“Yes, I was once.”, I replied.

“Oh, so your divorced. Yea been there, done that.”, she quickly fired back.

“No, my wife died years ago. Cancer.”, I continued.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t have any idea.”, she replied, and gently touched my arm.

“It’s ok, I know you didn’t.”, I responded.

At that point, you could see she felt terrible, she hurriedly tried to change the subject. She told me Jennifer had told her about our first date. I could see perhaps she had been coached in maybe finding out what my intentions were. Jennifer soon joined us along with another young woman who Jennifer introduced as one of her paralegal’s. After about an hour, the grand ballroom opened and the party flowed inside. There was a very well known local band on stage and the music started. By now the alcohol was flowing freely and inhibitions were fading. The band played a very nice mix of both relatively new songs and older classics. There were a few songs played that Susan and I had danced to in our day. I saw Jennifer looking at the couples slow dancing out on the floor. I was ready to go home but I knew I could not ruin Jennifer’s night. The band took a break of about thirty minutes and returned to the stage. The singer spoke into the microphone and announced to the crowd that this was their couples segment of the show, where they played only slow music. The crowd applauded and the music started. Jennifer was finishing up a conversation with another woman just as the first song ended. Jennifer walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

“You wanna dance once with me ?”, she asked, shyly.

“Um…well…I haven’t danced in years, Jennifer.”, I replied.

“First enough of the Jennifer, its Jen, and second, that’s not a problem, I haven’t danced in years either.”, she shot back.

“Ok, Jen…. I’ll try.”

We moved out on the floor just as the band started the second song. Appropriately they started playing “Open Arms” by Journey. I reached out and took Jennifer in my arms, she responded in kind. I started moving nervously to the music, it had been a while.

Lying beside you, Here in the dark
Feeling your heart with mine, Softly you whisper
You're so sincere, How could our love be so blind……..

The band was doing a great job with the song. I noticed that Jennifer had gotten a little closer to me, pressing her body to mine. She smelled very good, although the scent was unfamiliar to me. She had one hand on my back, the other on my shoulder. She was a very good dancer and soon she had me moving in sync with her. I could feel her warm breathe in my ear. As bad as I was feeling, she felt very good in my arms. I felt the hand on my shoulder move up slightly to the back of my neck. She began lightly stroking my neck, brushing my hair gently back and forth. I closed my eyes and wondered, how had I gotten to this point in my life. This was not at all what I had pictured. Just when you think you have turned the corner in your life, up comes another hurdle. Thankfully the song ended shortly there after.