Lush Encounter

Hi all.

I started writing this new segment in a fiction mode but at sometime in the middle of the night as I slept, the thought came to me to stop this shit and just write the truth. There is a time for fiction, and then there is the time which is where I really am in my life.

The stories that I write range from total fiction, (which I love to write) to personal experiences and stories I have heard, and then sometimes I add my fantasizes of what I wished would have happened.

But these, "Cock in the mouth" stories are pretty fucking true and totally fucking raw. So now I am going to try and write, "The Truth," from the beginning.

The truth. The "First time," I was a toddler attacked by a predator in a department store bathroom. The second time I was a middle schooler, spotted by another predator who could see the look in my eyes from what the first guy did.

Finally at about age 23, I went to a rest area by my house, saw a guy about my age and as he walked by my car I looked at his crotch. He stopped right fucking there and asked if I wanted to come over to his apartment. I did and once there I, without any hesitation dove right into a 69 with him. After about ten seconds of his bare cock pumping into my mouth, I chickened out and just let him suck me off.

After that it took about another decade before I started playing around at rest areas again. Just hand jobs and then after another decade or so sucking cock with condoms only, but never a raw cock. That decade was the AIDS decade so I was scared shitless.

And then a couple weeks ago my escapade in the sauna happened where a raw cock was put in front of me and I dove on that fucker like a starving man.

At that second, a part of me emerged that I did not know even existed. A part that grabbed the power, moved into a place of control and threw caution to the wind and dove onto that raw cock. In that second, I was out of control. In that second that part of me was going to suck that cock come hell or high water.

That scares the living hell out of me. That is the sort of behavior that could destroy or even kill a man. It only lasted a few seconds, (as you have read), but yes I did have a raw bare cock in my mouth licking and sucking like a real cocksucker. Am I a cocksucker? Fuck yes I am. After that experience I know I am, or at least I could be if I let that part of me have the control to do so.

I have sucked a dozen or so cocks in my life with condoms, but this was my first time raw since that beginning abuse of a toddler, and fuck me, the difference between a condom and a real life raw cock was fucking fabulous. That fucking latex fucks everything up. It's like licking an ice cream cone with a condom on my tongue. You lose almost all the feeling of everything of what you are trying to experience.

Right now I am scared shitless. The other day I was on a short day trip and fuck me if I didn't find myself looking for a rest area. The fucking place where the cops stage gay stings and where the dirtiest cocks congregate. But there I was looking for one. Luckily the only one I saw was closed.

I am hoping against hope that I can get some fucking control of that part of me that wants to suck. I read stories about that feeling of an exploding cock in ones mouth. The cum gushing out of it and filling my mouth. And that little guy inside me who experienced that feeling wants that again. Why? I have no fucking idea. That is something that reaches way beyond my pay grade.

But I must find a way to reason with that little guy, who is still resides inside my head. I think maybe I have to strike a deal with him, (and myself) where I will look for that perfect guy, and if I find him I will try sucking his cock and feel that spurt that I must admit sounds so interesting, but only if he is indeed the right guy. And I must add here that typing those words in that last sentence made my cock start to stiffen so all I can say is, "Fuck, I guess I have to start looking hard for him.

I am hoping that these words I put onto this page can help in some weird way, or that someone reading has an idea. Because from what I have experienced once I go off the deep end I don't know what the fuck is going to happen.

Is one spurt going to send me off the deep end? Or will it be enough? Or even gross me out enough where I puke it all up?

I have no fucking idea what is in store for my future...